Today I made it through another First. Today was my first birthday since Jay's mom passed away; it was my third birthday since my mom died.
For those of you who have had close relationships with your moms, I don't need to explain the significance of little traditions that paint a birthday--the phone call with your mom singing Happy Birthday, or being served a dinner of your favorite dishes, or a card being pressed into your hand. Having a birthday when some of those elements are missing is disorienting and--for me at least--sad.
And yet it's still fun to have a birthday and be treated with extra hugs and gifts and cards, so the day is a very mixed bag of feelings. One moment I'll be dancing around the room to some tunes and then next moment I'll be crying when I receive a phone call that isn't my mom.
Tomorrow I hope to write about the ways I "mothered myself," to borrow a psychological term, and made the day into what I needed it to be. Since this is a blog about mostly today, I just wanted to write this quick note tonight to say that I made it through today...and I am still able to look forward to tomorrow.
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