When people ask how I'm doing after being in court all week, my standard response is, "Very, very tired." People all react differently to intense emotional situations. Some cry, some exercise hard, some need to be surrounded by friends, some need to hide by themselves, some get indigestion, some eat too much, some eat too little, and so-on. I've experienced every one of those responses at one time or another, but my main reaction is physical fatigue. I told my sister Claire this afternoon (after my nap) that I feel physically like I'm recovering from the flu, my muscles all weak and a little shaky.
Although I use pseudonyms and conceal specific geographic locations in this blog, I hesitate to convey specifics about the trial while it is going on, on the chance that some reader might somehow be connected to a juror or a witness and put two and two together. The public defender (aka the defense attorney) already tried calling for a mistrial last week--denied, thankfully--so I don't want to mess with a touchy situation. I can give details after it's all over.
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| Maybe sitting in the courtroom would be slightly less exhausting if it were as beautiful as this |
However, I can tell you a few general things and some things about myself.
The trial will probably last until the end of December, taking into account time for jury deliberation, Thanksgiving, and a week off at the beginning of December. There will actually be two separate periods of jury deliberation. Here's the layout:
Week 1: The People (aka the Prosecution aka the District Attorney) present their case as to the defendant's (aka Jay's brother) guilt and premeditation. This is the week I just attended, and in which Jay and his other two siblings testified.
Week 2 (this coming week): The Defense presents their side of the story Wednesday through Friday, speckled with testimony from rebuttal witnesses from the People. Friday afternoon, both sides present closing arguments and the jury begins deliberations.
Week 3: The jury continues deliberations and hopefully returns a verdict. They will be deciding on guilt/innocence and degree.
Weeks 4 and following: If the jury returns with a "guilty" verdict, everyone reconvenes (same jury) and the Defense presents their case as to the defendant's insanity at the time of the crime. The the People counter with their witnesses, testifying to the defendant's sanity. (As a quick aside, legal "insanity" is not the same as mental illness; it means the perpetrator was incapable of knowing what he was doing at the time.) Then they give closing arguments again, the jury deliberates and returns a verdict of sane/insane, and everyone goes home. Then, depending on the verdict of course, in January or February the judge will decide on sentencing.
It all sounds so dry when I type it out like this, but every minute in that courtroom is packed with electric tension. "What is the jury thinking about? Why is the defendant making that facial expression? Will the witness speak clearly or break down sobbing? Will the judge sustain or overrule this objection? Will this evidence be compelling or be ruled irrelevant? Are the people on the jury paying attention or just interested in getting through the process as quickly as possible? How would things be different if this had all never happened? Did this all really happen?"
And of course, it did all really happen, although writing about it somehow makes it feel a little less real. I guess that's good for now, because there's absolutely nothing I can do to make the case go one way or another, nothing I can do to change the circumstances, and nothing I can do to make it all hurry up and go away.
I can, however, eat chocolate and take naps! And go for walks and cuddle with my kids and talk with friends about my feelings and cozy up on the couch with Jay to watch movies. And more importantly, continue to pray for peace and healing, because that's what we all really need most anyway.
P.S. I am not attending court next week to listen to the Defense's witnesses. Nothing about doing that feels healthy or productive to me. So I'll have a normal week at home. Well, as normal as can be expected...which isn't really saying anything at all!
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