Handing It Over to the Jury--Part One, 19 November 2012

Raise your hand if you've ever had a family member put into the hands of a jury before.

Okay, to those of you who raised your hands: How did you feel the night before?  Were you sick to your stomach?  Did your head ache?  Was your whole body so tired that you didn't want to move?  Did you simultaneously want to sit still, work on tasks in a frenzy, be by yourself, be with people, think about something--anything--beside the trial, and want to talk about it with someone?  Did you need to look at your driver's license to remember what your home address was when you were placing an order at a store?

Maybe that's just me.

I'm telling you, the intensity of this emotion is physical.  Tomorrow, barring any catastrophes, the two attorneys will give their closing arguments, the judge will give his instructions to the jurors, and the jury will disappear into a back room to discuss what they have been listening to and observing over the last two weeks.  Then at some later point, they will emerge and render their verdict.

There are three possible verdicts the jury is allowed to deliver in this case:

1) Not guilty

2) Guilty as charged of first degree (premeditated) murder

3) Guilty of second degree (crime of passion) murder

Without giving specifics, the jury would have to be full of numskulls (or be run by the mob) to render a "not-guilty" verdict, given the evidence they've received.  And as to first degree versus second...we will have to wait and see.  The defense pulled a really dirty stunt last week by asking to call an additional witness as a bargaining move, but their bluff was called and it looks like the prosecution has the more convincing argument at this point.

My thoughts right now are so weird.  Primarily, I want TRUTH to win.  But if what my family and I see as the truth does prevail, one of our family members will be in prison for the rest of his life.  On the one hand, the idea of never having to deal with his lies and machinations is so overwhelmingly relieving that I have almost no other feelings; yet, somewhere deep inside, I grieve that this young man, our brother, would be lost to the free world forever.  But in a time shorter than it takes to type that last sentence, I am right back to relief at the idea of being safe from him forever, and am truly horrified at any other scenario.

Yesterday I spent 20 minutes on my knees praying for God's will to be done--praying for His justice to prevail.  Heh, here's a crazy thing: By contrast to the accused in this trial, I look like a pretty darn upstanding person; but compared with a perfectly loving, perfectly true, perfectly just God, I haven't done diddlysquat of good.  And yet...He listens to me.  He hears my prayer and holds me in His arms and says, "I love you, little one.  And I've got this."

Even so, knowing that doesn't make the headache and queasiness go away.  Nor will hearing a jury proclaim guilt over my brother-in-law make the hurt and pain go away.  But it will make me feel a whole lot safer and so very relieved at not feeling jerked around by his lies anymore.  Truth for the win!