Holding On, 06 June 2012

In an unexpected life, by definition unexpected things happen. Like one of your children getting what appears to be salmonella. But that can be dealt with by fluids, rest, and doctors appointments (we have one scheduled for the morning, poor G).

What is more unexpected and more difficult for me to grasp is having a friend cry on my shoulder today and ask for advice in dealing with the news of her friend's son and mother who were just murdered by another family member. I never thought I'd be someone to come to for that.

But I guess I am, seeing as that is what happened in my husband's family six months ago. Heh. I doubt any of my college friends who viewed me as an innocent, angelic creature ever imagined that a decade later I'd be talking about murder and victim-witness organizations and prison health care.

The difficult thing is that the more grief I experience and the more suffering and evil I see, the less I know what to say. I tried to pray for my friend and her grieving friends today, and I didn't even know how to do that. Oh how I want to have magic words that give comfort, or profound wisdom to ease the confusion of "How could this happen???" but I don't.

What I have are hugs for her, tears in my heart, and a scream against the evil in the world, "MAKE IT STOP!"

Playing in my ears right now is Soundgarden's "Live to Rise" (from the Avenger's soundtrack--yes, I broke down and bought the song for $1.29) and there's a line that really resonates with me:

We're insane but not alone

We hold on and let go

That just about sums it up for me. Things don't make sense and the world spins out of control around us, but we are not alone. We hold on to the One that is anchored in place as we let go of everything else, releasing our attempts at control to His loving care.

Of course, then I hear the question, "Where was His loving care when that young man was shot to death?" and there is nothing to say to ease the pain of that gut-cry of anguish. But I'm back to Soundgarden's song again:

Like the sun we will live to rise

Like the sun we will live and die and then

ignite again

God has eternal plans for us and these poor bodies are going to rise again to no more pain, no more tears, no more loss. Eventually.

But for now, I'm just holding on tight and letting the tears flow.