Bah Humbug, 18 December 2013

Today I stood in some long lines and made several gallons of soup by accident.

The logic of the soup-making went like this: "I'm going to feed 6 people tonight.  This recipe says 'Serves 6.'  So I'll make a double batch."

I probably could have paid attention to the amounts in the recipe--a cup of butter, 8 cups of chicken broth, 2 cups of milk, 1 cup of half-and-half, 1 cup of sour cream, and a pile of veggies.  Those amounts are for the single batch.

Two large pots, two large glass measuring bowls, a huge cutting board, and many knives, ladles, whisks, and taste-tests later, we had soup.  And we will have soup.  For days.  Good thing we like how it tastes!

Meanwhile, I'm not enjoying Christmas.  To be honest, I haven't wanted to blog over the past almost-2 months because I thought to myself, "I only blog when I'm sad or when I cook too much food.  No one wants to read more about me being sad."  But the reality is that I am sad.

Our Christmas-decorating tradition for several years running had Grammy G as a pivotal figure, and the kids and I went Christmas light cruising with her the last two years.  This year, she's not here and I haven't really felt like doing those things.  Yes, we put up the tree for the kids and made Christmas cookies and I'll hang up stockings.  But my heart just isn't into it, you know?

NOT.

Which brings me to standing in long lines today.  As I'm sure many of you know, when one isn't enjoying Christmas, being trapped in a line of 15 people waiting for one single cashier in a store with cheesy holiday music blasting out of overhead speakers is just about enough to make one scream at the world, "MAKE IT STOP!!" and sprint out of the mall weeping, never ever to return.  Of course, the mall gremlins wouldn't actually shut off the music, and one's sweet children would be in tears if there weren't gifts under the tree come Christmas Day, so one stays in line, grits one's teeth, and takes deep breaths, screaming silently instead of at 120 decibels.

At least, that's the strategy I employed today.  Added to my Angst was the fact that the boys had a minimum day at school, so I knew I only had 2 hours (after slamming a load of dishes into the dishwasher and cramming a load of laundry into the washing machine) to get my shopping done.  I stood in four maddeningly slow-moving lines today, each one of which was almost enough to undo me.

But here's where this story gets good.  And when I say good, I mean good like God-makes-ugly-things-into-beautiful-ones good.

My first line of the morning was for an exchange at Toys 'R' Us.  'Nuff said.  By the next store, I still had five items on my master-list to purchase.  I agonized for quite some time over sale racks, trying to hit upon the perfect ratio of "cute" : "cheap," taking into account that if I spent $25, I'd get to use a coupon for $10 off.  (Score!)

Once I made a decision on three of my five required items, I headed to a checkout in the men's clothing section because I figured the line would be shorter, which it was.  Unfortunately, length of line < length of wait.  I'd just gotten to the teeth-gritting stage when I glanced at the people behind me and saw an acquaintance from one of my Al-Anon meetings.  I felt suddenly happier, knowing I had someone to chat with!  There's the first way God brought beauty to my day!

Janine and I exchanged chit-chat about what I was buying my sister and what she was buying her boyfriend, and I mentioned my dealio with the coupon.  Her eyes suddenly lit up at the thought of finding a coupon somewhere in the store, but her face visibly fell when I explained it had been mailed to me.  Neither of us had smart phones to find one online, either.  (I know, I know, so 20th century; come to think of it, I didn't have a cell phone of any kind in the 20th century.  Or a car.  Or a laptop.  Dude.)

Finally, it was my turn in line.  Part of me wanted to gut my purchase, forego the discount, and hand off the coupon to Janine.  The other part of me wanted to hurry up and buy the three items I'd agonized over (which added up to $27.53), get my savings, and escape from the store.  But God had other plans.

"I'm sorry, this $6.00 item is on clearance and doesn't count toward the $25 for your coupon."  I looked up at the cashier and expected to feel a surge of frustration...but instead, I felt relief!  "No problem," I surprised myself by saying, "I'll just buy the one that's $9.59 instead of all three.  Here!" I called to my Al-Anon friend behind me in line.  "You take this coupon!"

Seriously, I think she almost fell over.  Saving ten dollars is a plus for me, but I think it was a game-changer for her.  She couldn't thank me enough.  "No problem, I can't use it anyway, really.  And...merry Christmas, Janine."

That would be already be a great closing line for this post!  But it's not the end.

Given that I gutted my purchase at the can't-use-my-coupon store, I headed down the mall to a different retailer, hoping to replace the two discarded items.  Let me describe the check-out line at this place by saying that from the time I went into the store to the time I decided on the replacement items and got in line, one person had been checked out.  I started deep breathing right away.  Then I remembered what a pastor had said once about using waiting times to pray, so I prayed a little.  My prayer went something like this:

"Lord, I'm feeling overwhelmed.  I don't have very much time.  Excuse me, is there another person who can help check out?  Only one of you can do that?  Really? Oh.  I'm feeling discouraged at prices for the gifts I'm looking for.  But thank You for allowing me to share the coupon with Janine.  If they can only have one cashier, couldn't they have one that's fast?  Umm, so yeah, please help me with my time and decisions today.  Oh, the gal in front of me isn't wearing makeup either.  Good."

Just as I noticed the makeupless customer ahead of me, two of her friends breezed in from another store.  "I just got a steal!" one of them exclaimed.  "Mega markdown!"  My eyes darted to her shopping bag and noted the name of the store she'd just come from--a store I hadn't even thought of visiting.  Then it was my turn at the check-out.

Sure enough, minutes later at mega markdown store I found the last two items on my list...for exactly the price I'd been hoping to pay!

Which I wouldn't have found because I wouldn't have shopped there if I hadn't been delayed long enough at Toys 'R' Us to be in line at the same time as Janine at the second store; and if all three items had worked for my coupon, I couldn't have given it to Janine and I wouldn't have visited the third store; and if I hadn't been in line long enough at the third store, I wouldn't have heard the conversation about mega markdown.

See?  Good stuff.

Of course, I still had to actually purchase the last two items, which involved yet another line with yet another lonely cashier.  But this time, my prayer was a little different.

"Wow Lord, I'm really amazed at how You've brought good things out of frustration today.  Is there any particular reason I'm waiting forever in this line?  Someone You want me to talk to?  Something You want me to see?  Please open my eyes so that I can see You working in my life at this moment, just as You have been all day.  I bet Hello Kitty is so popular now because all the grown-ups buying it were kids when it was first popular.  This is the second time I've heard the Beach Boy's Christmas song today.  Oh, so yeah, thank You for being so good."

As it turns out, no miracles--that I know of--happened during my last long wait of the day.  But I was calmer.  I felt loved.  Loved because the God of the universe cares enough about the infinitesimally-small details of my wonky life to make good things happen.  Even little good things, like finding sales and sharing coupons.

I think after today--though I'm still grieving through this difficult season--my heart is a little more ready to celebrate the Big Good thing God did, making Himself a human baby and being born in a stable, 2000 years ago...so that He could ultimately save us from all things ugly.

Merry Christmas, and may you have a Hopeful New Year.