Thankful, 04 November 2014

Today I am completely humbled and filled with gratefulness.  I have such an easy life.

When my parents were newlywed college students, they were asked to take part in a broad study that looked at employment history and wages and family relationships.  They continued to be interviewed every few years, and when we kids rolled around, we started being interviewed too.  "Here comes the Interview Lady!" someone would announce, and the rest of the day was spent with a nicely-dressed woman with a clipboard and rudimentary laptop, who questioned the eight of us in turn for hours.

This process has continued with us "kids" into adulthood, and today I had my interview.  I was asked about family relationships, about income, about employment history, about my children, my religion, my personality traits, and so-on (it took three hours; this is a serious study!).  The more questions I answered, the humbler I became.  Yeah, my parents and I have made a lot of good choices, but so much of where I am today has absolutely nothing to do with being "good."  My heart breaks for those for whom the answers to these questions are completely different from mine.

"In the last 12 months, have you ever been without a place you could depend on to sleep?"  No.

"In the last 12 months, how often have you felt you were treated more unfairly than other people?"  Never.

"Have you ever been been personally beaten or the victim of any other violent crime?"  No.

"How often have you gone without something you need, because you could not afford it?"  Never.

"Think about your childhood.  Was there ever a period when your family did not have enough to eat?"  No.

"How often do members of your family have calm discussions?  Every day, a few times a week, once or twice a month, several times a year, or Never?"  Every day.

"Other than spankings, how often do members of your family hit each other?"  Never.

"In the last 12 months, were you ever denied employment because of being treated unfairly?"  No.

"Within your day-to-day life, how often do you feel you receive the same respect as other people?  Every day, a few times a week, once or twice a month, several times a year, or Never?"  Every day.

"In the last 12 months, how often were you unfairly stopped, targeted, or questioned by law enforcement?"  Never.

"Have you ever seriously contemplated suicide?"  No.

"In the last 3 months, how many days of work or school did you miss because you were physically or emotionally unable to attend?"  Zero.  (Yes, even SAHMs can miss work by literally not being able to get out of bed.)

"In the last 12 months, how many days of work or school did you miss because you were physically ill?"  Three.  Three days only.

"During the last 3 months, how often did G or Z seem confused, as if in a fog, or unresponsive?"  Never.

"All in all, how would you rate your satisfaction in life?  Very satisfied, somewhat satisfied, somewhat dissatisfied, or very dissatisfied?"  Very satisfied.

My life isn't perfect.  I had an emotionally difficult time answering questions about whether I'd lost anyone close to me in the last four years (Yes, three women); and I answered that my biological mother was 52 years old when she died; and yes, I'd lost a home to a foreclosure.  But I've dealt with those things without ever dealing with discrimination based on my age, gender, ethnicity, or economic status; without ever struggling to buy my children nutritious food; without ever worrying about where we would sleep the next day/week/month.

Why me?  Why do I happen to be a Caucasian in a country where Caucasians are generally treated with respect?  Why did I happen to be born into a family with a continued upward economic trajectory?  Why did I happen to have children born to me without any physical or  mental illnesses?  Why do I happen to be alive in a time and place where women are given at the very least the same legal respect as men?  Why do I happen to even be alive today?

I don't know the "why"s, but I do know this: It's not because of me.  Every single one of those answers could change tomorrow, but that still wouldn't be because of me.

I am so humbled at the gifts God has chosen to give me at this time, and sobered as I contemplate how to share them.  I am so thankful for Today.  Tonight's prayer is that I can be just as thankful tomorrow...whether I'm given the same gifts or not.